The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
