Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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