last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
