That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
