did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
