I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
