She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
