Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
