I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Less talking, more tequila
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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