I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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