He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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