That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
