Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
