areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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