Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And then he peed in my hair
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