If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
