my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
