In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
