I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
