you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
