Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Enjoy the penises
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
