look no pants
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
