that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I touched a dick in church today
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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