I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
