her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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