Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
