The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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