Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
