I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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