I CAN MOONWALK!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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