I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
