Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
