Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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