can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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