i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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