oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
