I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
