Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
