We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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