Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
