batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
