bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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