At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
