No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
