it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
