I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
