I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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