we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
