girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
