I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
