Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
