I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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